I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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