Say something about gay babies.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
