i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
