yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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