Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
