evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
