she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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