i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
