I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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