Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
