if i can run in heels then i can drive
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
