Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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