Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize