and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
