Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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