Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize