I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
