i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
