Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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