Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize