I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
