I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
