she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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