Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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