these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize