So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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