I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
