Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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