Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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