I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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