Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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