Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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