Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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