i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
