i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
