Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize