I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
