I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
