I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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