You're my little dorito
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
