I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
