she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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