Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
