I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
