I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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