Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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