none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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