The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
