I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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