the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
