even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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