I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i think i have herpe
just one?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
