yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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