You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
