I wanna bring you to show and tell
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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