If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
