the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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