i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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