It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Boobs are out for the taking
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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