I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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