At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
