just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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