And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
