After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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