haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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