In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
