There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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