he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
