i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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