i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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