She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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