her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
