i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
