who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
