Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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