I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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