"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
