you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
