I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
