He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
