There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
