I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize