this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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