Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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