checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
