you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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