We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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