So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
