the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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