the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
