i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
