I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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