just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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