Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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