he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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