i will never coherently bang her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
