You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
