hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
