So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize