You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Vodka?
Forever.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
