tell your sister to shave her snatch
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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