i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
