I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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