Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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