im about as happy as oj after his trial
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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