And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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