I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize