it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
