The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
