would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
