i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
