I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
