my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
