so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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