I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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